Happy Sunday, family!
As you know, I've been rounding up funny family quotes/stories/memories from you. I got some good responses and am excited to share these laughs with you now!
And if reading these brings any other stories to your mind, feel free to tell me and I'll get them up here, too!
So let's start back with a few classics from Grandpa Dutch!
For any of you younger generation that don't remember, Grandpa Dutch is Grandma Farns's dad. He was one of the nicest, funniest grandpas and loved spending time with his grandkids.
Grandpa and Grandma Dutch took their grandkids on fishing trips and things like that all the time.
Thankfully that provided lots of good stories that our aunts and uncles have to pass on to all of us.
Uncle Keith had these to share:
"Anytime you are in the same vehicle as Dutch and Edith, you'll get good quotes. Now throw in Mike and myself in the back seat. Grandpa had just been in the store and bought one of those one pound Hersey chocolate bars, mostly to treat Mike to some chocolate. As we are leaving the parking lot Mike offers me a couple of squares from this huge chocolate bar.
About 3 miles later Grandpa asks Mike for a chunk,
Mike replies, "I can't."
Grandpa, "Why?"
Mike, "It's all gone."
Grandpa, "Hell we can't be doin' that!"
Also from Dutch:
"Hell this can't be me, I'm in a 4 wheel drive."
And
While on a fishing trip, Grandpa had parked his truck along a narrow one-way road. A little later another truck had come down the road but didn't have room to pass Grandpa. As Grandpa was heading over to move his truck, the driver of the other truck angrily yelled, "Hey, Mister! Is it customary to park on the dam?" As soon as Grandpa moved his truck and came back to fishing, he said to the grandkids, "I should have asked him, 'Is it customary for me to throw your A$$ in the lake?' "
Or
"Get some gloves on those dukes!"
Uncle Dave also had this memory of Grandpa Dutch:
Grandpa Dutch was taking young Uncle Jared home-teaching and on the way there, Jared very seriously asked Grandpa, "“Hey Gramps! What happens if you have to fart when you’re home teaching?"
Grandpa, just as seriously turned to look at Jared and said, " Oh hell Jerry- you can’t do that. You just as well sh-- your pants and go home.”
Uncle Keith also had a favorite quote from a conversation he had with Jana once. She was trying to tell him about a Relief Society project that the presidency was working on, but that she felt wasn't entirely necessary. It involved reaching out to all the sisters in the ward to make sure they weren't lonely. But instead of going to the trouble of having to contact every single lady, Jana had a better idea, "If you are lonely, call someone."
And Keith's new motto now that he's driving truck for work is, "Called To Swerve."
Ron's quotes he shared were:
Hardy asking, "Is it ok to laugh?" after Grandpa Farns wiped out pretty good tubing down Johnson Hill!
Hardy asking, "Is it ok to laugh?" after Grandpa Farns wiped out pretty good tubing down Johnson Hill!
Also from Ron -
Dillon saying, "Yeah, but this game ain't good for my crotch!" while trying to step in Uncle Ron's foot steps and doing the splits walking out in the dirt field.
From Tiana:
The time Grandma Farns and Becky came to visit. Grandma took all the kids to the Dollar Store but when we couldn't find anything we wanted she offered to buy us a pizza for lunch instead.
Before pizza, we had to make a stop at the Post Office and found out they were serving free hamburgers there that day. Grandma decided that was a better deal than buying pizza - but the kids weren't having it - particularly Becky and Tiana.
After much debate, Grandma decided that we were having hamburgers for lunch and left ungrateful Becky and Tiana with the haunting threat that, "One day you will be lucky to have a chicken bone to suck on to get you to sleep at night."
From Becky:
We lived clear out south of Kimberly and I needed to go grocery shopping so we headed to Twin and about when we got to Kimberly town (on the way in) Harley farted really loudly and then said with a startled look on her face "That was poop!". So I had to turn around and drive her all the way home to change before we could go grocery shopping.
From Heather:
I think it was Halle saying about Britney.
We pulled the garbage over cause we were peeling oranges, and she reached into the garbage like babies do, and we were like, "What are you doing?" And Halle was like “ I think she’s looking for something...you know, foodyish “
From Kelani:
When we were at Grandma and Grandpa's once and some of the cousins went to see the Spider-Man with Toby McGuire and Mo came through the kitchen door and just “fainted” on the floor because she was so in love with Peter Parker! Haha!!!
My other one is when everyone jumped (or got thrown) into the pool! I can’t remember the details of that but it was when Dad threw Heather in fully dressed, and Rachel single handedly took Climes to the ground. I just always loved that time because all the kids and adults were having so much fun together!
Also from Kelani:
Maddie, Lanie, and I were in the back bedroom down the hall from Grandma and Grandpa's bedroom. It was probably like 1:00 am and we kept going back and forth from the bedroom to the bathroom and being noisy. We kept giggling and being silly in the bedroom and finally Grandpa opened the bedroom door all sleepy eyed and messy haired, and was like “Girls! I take sleeping pills and you still woke me up!! Go to bed!” And I’d like to note that he told us that in his “whisper yell” haha
From Ben:
"Here comes the Boo!"
- Wendy as she jumped in a family wrestling match
Also Wendy, "But Mom, can you see my make-up?"
The other day I asked Adam if he wanted to take his vitamins to protect him from bad germs. He very confidently told me, "No fank you, Jesus is our shield."
From Malia:
Ben: Mom, could you get me a marshmallow?
Me: Sure! I can do that!
Ben: Can you say "How do we ask?"
Me: But you asked so nicely!
Ben: But could you say "How do we ask?"
Me: How do we ask?
Ben: Please!
Me: Absolutely!
Ben: Thanks. Can you say if I want two?
Me: Oh, do you want two marshmallows?
Ben: No, just one.
Also -
Me: We could watch Abominable...
Ben: We could watch Queeny colors...
Me: We could watch Frozen lost in the woods...
Ben: We could watch Queeny colors...
Me: We could watch Finding Nemo...
Ben: We could watch Finding Queeny colors...
We were watching America's Funniest Videos and there was a dachshund.
I said, "Look at that silly wiener dog!"
Ben immediately looked at me and said mom, "Don't say that word!"
Ben was upset and hitting/ punching me. I asked him to stop multiple times, but he didn't. So I bent down and this happened:
Me: Do you want a spanking?
Ben (holding his cocked fist): Do you want a punch?
From Dillon:
At the babyshower for Amaraya, Uncle Matt pulled something out of a giftbag and said, "I wonder how much I could get on ebay for this!" Then started laughing and said it was just a joke.
From Jana:
When Tiana was little she called Grandpa Dude and said, "Hi, Grandpa! Do you want to come for dinner? Wanna bring the pizza?" And he did! :)
When David was a brand new baby, Ron was in bed and changing David's diaper. Tiana and Malia were gathered around during that and witnessed baby David pee on Ron. Malia burst into tears and said, "That boy just peed on my daddy!"
David was little and had a sliver in his finger. We were just sitting down to eat dinner so Ron told David, "Ok, well I'll get the needle later." (To try and dig the sliver out).
David replied, "Ok! What's a needalator?"
When Kelani was little she had a friend next door named Jordan, who was always at our house to play. Supposedly they had to be told multiple times not to play in the garage.
After they'd been caught playing in there once again, Kelani looked over at Jordan and said, "Jordan, how many time I'm gonna tell you, don't play in the garage?"
