Hi, everyone!
I thought it was time for a little bit of Christmas story time and what better way than to tell one the way Grandpa Farns liked to? I can only remember hearing him do this in person once at a big family reunion. So for those of you who miss hearing Grandpa's version of The Night Before Christmas - accent included - and for those of you who have never heard it before, enjoy...
Vas De Night Before Christmas
(read with an accent for the best effect)
It was der night before Christmas, ven all thru de place vere ay vas
stayin, Dere vas not nobody makin no noises...not eefen the mouses,
Well except for my brudder-in-law....he is a rat!
Da stockings vas hung by de shimney kinda careful like, in hope dat de
fella vit da red knickers vould soon be dere.
Da little shavers vas all smug in dere beds
Vile visions of sugar plums vas dancing in der ve little heads.
And Ma in her curlers and me in my night-shirt
Has yust vashed our feet for a long vinter's nap.
Van out on de lawn dere arose such an awful noise
Ay yumped from my bed to see it vas the boys!
Avay to da vindow ay flew like a flash
Ay voulda gotten dere sooner, but ay gaught my suspenters caught on
de bed posts
Da moon vash shining on da new snow vot had yust come down,
And it vas kind shining like it vasn't efen night time.
Ven vot to my vondering eyes should appear,
But a teensy-veensy sled mit eight tiny horses.
Dere vas a little ol' driver so sudden an quick,
Ay could tell right avay in my night-shirt it vas Santa Claus.
More faster den eagles his horses den came,
And he hollered und shouted, und called en bad names.
Now Hasher, on Prancer, on Doner, und Vixen, on Cosmetics, on
Stupid, on Pittsburg, Vixconsin.
To da top of da porch, to da top of da wall
Now pass avay, pass avay, don't pass our for gootness sake!
In two shakes of a skunk's tail, ay heard on de roof dos animals
Monkeyin' around mit dere feet.
As ay yanked in my head und tripped over de cat, down de shimney
Came Santa Claus flat on his back.
He vas fat as an old hog, a right yolley ol' elf, und I laughed ven I seen
him, I couldn't help it.
Mit a vink of his eye, und a tvist of his head, soon gave me to know, I
Didn't have nothing to vorry about.
But like a bad boy he held his pipe tight in his teeth, und de smoke
Vrapped around his head like...well like...how do you say it...like
smoke around a head.
His droll little mouth vas drown up like a bow, und de beard in his
Chin dragged down in the snow.
He vas quite broad in places and had quite an active belly dat shook
Vhen he laughed like a bottle of 7-UP!
His eyes dey vas glassy, his suit vas de berries, his cheeks vas like
Roses, his nose like some sherries.
He didn't say nottin, but vent straight to his vork, and put lots of stuff
In de hosiery ud turned mit a jerk.
Und puttin' his finger inside of...er er along side of his nose, up de
Shimny he vent und kapoof...he vas gone.
He yumped in his big job, und to his team gave vistle,
And day yumped up and ran like dey had sat on some thistle.
Und I heard him exclaim as he scrammed out of dere, "A happy
Christmas to all und to all...I hope dat you got vat you vanted."
